


can i stop the flow of time?

by wordsasweapons



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Humor, a lot of feelings are felt but it's worth it in the end, these two own my soul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 11:07:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14617122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsasweapons/pseuds/wordsasweapons
Summary: ". . . can i swim in your divine?'cause i don't think i'd ever leave this place."It started in Korea, during their second trip. She didn't want to admit to herself that something didn't feel right, but that nagging, tightening knot in her stomach wouldn't let up. Maybe it started sooner than that, perhaps it started months ago. At the end of their first trip. Evgenia was leaving, and Alina has to come to grips with that nagging, tightening knot unfurling all around her.





	can i stop the flow of time?

**Author's Note:**

> so, it's been a whirlwind of emotions about this whole thing and finally i got myself to sit down and do this because it wouldn't leave me alone. therapeutic, perhaps. whatever happens from here on out for real, catch me being locked in an endless spiral about these two.
> 
> i appreciate feedback. the positive variety, negativity stay out.  
> (p.s., if you ever have any requests or prompts for these two, please send them my way.)

**_Heaven only knows where you've been_ **  
**_But I don't really need to know_ **  
**_I know where you're gonna go_ **  
**_On my heart, where you're resting your head_ **  
**_And you just look so beautiful_ **  
**_It's like you were an angel_ **

**_~_ **

 

Music plays lightly overhead, mingled with the _thunk, thunk, thunk_ of skates hitting the boards as her legs kick back and forth lazily. Alina staring ahead, but at nothing in particular. The girl all but lost in her own head as various skaters move by here and there. She didn’t really have much motivation to join in with the laughing and the antics, and hasn’t since her arrival in Korea. She had originally chalked it up to jet lag from the flight, but she wasn’t really feeling the effects of that.

 

Occasionally she would throw herself into the pack, laughed at the terrible jokes the boys would tell and all the mishaps that would happen when everyone would stop taking things so seriously and divulge into tired chaos. For the most part though, she would skate alone with a blank, far away expression, would go through the choreography alone pretty much the same. It wasn’t entirely uncommon for her to isolate herself, or feel isolation. Especially in groups such as these. And it wasn’t as if anyone has noticed.

 

A few shouts of laughter from one corner has her head turning and she sees Gabby, Evgenia and a few others dancing awkwardly and ridiculously to one of the K-Pop songs that just came on. She thinks any other time it would have made her laugh, it certainly would have made her laugh a few weeks ago in Japan, where nothing felt difficult and it was the most at ease she’s ever felt among groups. Not here, though. She feels a tightening low in her gut that’s been there since she got on the plane from Moscow headed here.

 

She couldn’t understand what the difference was, why Japan was so easy and why this time around felt the opposite.

 

Looking away from the giggling girls and boys, Alina hops off the boards edge she’s been perched at for quite some time and glides to the other end, a call of her name coming from behind her stopping her momentarily. Turning, she finds Jun coming up behind her.

 

“You’re leaving?” He asks softly, and kindly. That was just his voice most of the time, she’s learned.

 

She gives a small nod, murmurs a yes in English which has the boy frowning slightly. “We’re about to begin warmups before we do a run through of the show. Don’t you want to join us?”

 

She considers saying yes just because he’s being so nice, and he’s been so nice since everyone arrived, but truthfully all she wanted was to be alone. Put her headphones on and escape elsewhere until she has to come back to all of this.

 

“Next time?” Is all she winds up saying. It appears like he was going to protest that for a split second, before he gives her small smiling nod and an “okay." He skates off to re-join the others and she stands there watching for a breath longer before she hops off the ice and heads for the locker room to grab her things, wandering for a moment or two when she comes across a back exit and escapes into the parking lot behind the venue. She pulls her headphones from her backpack, secures them over her head and turns the volume up until her music is all she can hear. She zips her jacket up to her neck and jumps rope until she’s out of breath. When she heads back in to change and get ready for the full run through, costumes and everything, she remains in her own corner, not making eye contact with anyone despite all the chatter around her.

 

“Girls, we’re going to do a few pictures before you head out there,” one of the assistants says with her head poked into the room. She adjusts the skirt she’s wearing, the tie around her neck and brushes by everyone else to head out first, standing at the right end as the rest of the girls file in around her. Plastering a smile on her face that feels real enough. Especially when the camera lowers and Aljona sweeps by her and pinches her side in a teasing manner, forcing a laugh from Alina. They’ve ended up bonding a bit, Alina feeling more comfortable around the adult woman than the people closer to her own age. Perhaps a lot of that could just be the fact that she _noticed_ her.

 

“Okay, can I get just Alina and Evgenia next,” comes the voice of the translator on the trip for the two of them. Alina scuffs at the floor with her toe pick before looking up and meeting brown eyes staring intently at her for a second, then Evgenia shifts to stand beside her. A strange feeling of the others body being too close, yet too far for her liking. Alina follows along with the peace sign Evgenia throws up and smiles easily at the camera, waiting a beat or two as the photographer snaps a few shots, then gives a thumbs up before heading off to photograph whoever’s next. The two girls left standing next to each other.

 

There’s a small intake of breath, and then Evgenia speaks. “Where did you go earlier?”

 

“Outside,” Alina says quickly and simply. Eyes ahead of her.

 

“Why didn’t you just stay with us? It was fun.”

 

“I’m sure it was.” She had mostly been thinking it, in a sarcastic breath, but she hadn’t intended for it to fly out of her mouth. Skates tap and shuffle next to her and then Evgenia is standing in front of her with a look that she associates with concern.

 

“What’s wrong?” She asks, and Alina doesn’t want to answer. Because she doesn’t really have an answer. She doesn’t get a word in anyhow when Gabby and Jun come sweeping through the hall, both gently slapping Evgenia’s shoulder.

 

“Show time, Med,” Gabby says enthusiastically. Jun laughing next to her as they continue on their way. Alina’s compelled to follow after them if Evgenia is just going to continue standing there, and she moves to do just that when she feels a hand gently wrap itself around her wrist. The other girl taking a step closer.

 

“Can I come to your room later?”

 

It’s asked in a hushed breath, eliciting a small shudder through her body that she doesn’t want to acknowledge at all. She searches brown eyes for a moment, wants to protest, wants to tell her no, but she does neither of those things.

 

“Okay,” she winds up whispering. There’s the slightest of smiles tugging at the corner of Evgenia’s mouth, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. Carefully her fingers uncurl from Alina’s wrist, lifting to toy with the tie around her neck for a moment, and then she’s backing away.

 

“That’s a good look on you.”

 

She wants to say it back, because it was impossible not to notice the glasses Evgenia was wearing, the way her hair was styled, and that high waisted skirt giving way to perfect legs.

 

But all she can do is swallow and watch the other girl wander off to where everyone else was headed. She drops her head back against the wall behind her and curses to herself. Trying to re-focus on the rehearsal, and not the way her friend looked in those clothes, and certainly not that empty smile to match empty eyes.

 

.

.

.

 

The late night knock to her door comes as Alina towel dries her hair after a long, much needed shower. Tossing the towel to the end of the bed she drags her sock clad feet to the door and opens it with a bit of reservation, eyes landing on Evgenia on the other side. She too looking fresh faced. Only in a light Nike sweater and track pants.

 

Neither of them say anything at first as Alina eventually steps aside and lets the other girl enter the room, Evgenia promptly throwing herself onto the bed with a loud sigh. Alina just watches her from her spot in the middle of the room, arms wrapped loosely around her torso. She had a feeling the only reason for this visit was because Evgenia had something to tell her, and in the back of her mind she’s been dreading just this. All of that unease since they got here. That nagging feeling in her stomach telling her something was off. She didn’t want to be right, though. She wanted them to sit quietly, hangout. Order room service they aren’t supposed to have and then fall asleep watching a Korean show they didn’t understand.

 

“So. What’s up?” Alina finally asks to break the silence. Watching Evgenia slowly sit up onto her elbows, nibbling lightly on her bottom lip in thought.

 

“I’m not sure where to start,” she says quietly. It does nothing to calm the swirling of nerves inside of her. And quickly she’s frustrated.

 

“Well, you could start with why you’ve been avoiding me.”

 

She wasn’t going to ask, after all she wasn’t certain that was what was going on, but she’s been on edge the majority of this trip and if she was being honest, it was going to come out in one way or another.

 

She watches Evgenia’s features harden just a fraction. “If anyone has been avoiding anyone, it’s you. You just disappeared today. You look like you’ve disappeared even when you’re with us.”

 

She chooses not to comment on that. Steeling herself and blurting out, “If you have something you’d like to tell me, which I imagine is why you’re here, just spit it out. I’m tired and we have to do this whole thing again tomorrow.”

 

The other girl looks horrified for a second before the look disappears and is replaced with one that appears half contemplative, and tortured. “It isn’t that easy, because this might be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to tell you.”

 

And for some reason it all comes crashing into her like a tidal wave. There’s no rhyme or reason for why it happens so easily after days of being unable to figure out what could be going on. That knot in her stomach loosening into a flood. She thinks about how little she’s seen of her training mate since they arrived back home after the Japan tour, at the rink and outside of it. The tiniest of whispers and wonderings hovering in the air around her. Her frightened eyes stare straight ahead as she wills her body not to betray her sudden emotional state.

 

“You’re leaving, aren’t you?” she breathes out. Evgenia pauses across from her and it’s all the answer she needs. And Alina can’t comprehend it at all.

 

“Alina…” the quiet voice starts, but she just shakes her head, staring down at the floor now and mumbling. “No, it makes sense. You haven’t shown up for any kind of work out, nothing at all. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner.”

 

She didn’t want to think about it. There had been rumors right after the games, but those had been quickly rebutted. Now, it looks like a cruel attempt at a joke. Keeping her voice as level as she can, she pushes on.

 

“How long have you known?”

 

“Alina.”

 

“Answer me,” she says sharply, but far more emotionally than cruel.

 

“April. Early April is when I decided to make a move.”

 

She feels a sharp jab in her chest. She’s known for weeks, she knew when they were in Japan. She knew when they were smiling and carefree and feeling like the world couldn’t touch them there.

 

It shouldn’t feel like a betrayal, because it wasn’t. If she was being completely honest with herself it was the best possible thing Evgenia could do for her career. All she wanted to do was keep going, and she wasn’t going to find that staying where she was. Everyone knew it, everyone’s said it. She obviously heard it, she obviously knew it herself.

 

But she wasn’t thinking about that right now. All she could think about was them, what would happen to them. It hurt no matter how badly she wanted it not to, no matter how badly she wanted to be supportive because that’s who she was. That was the friend she’s always been. She imagines that’s exactly what Evgenia was looking for right now.

 

She’s been quiet and thinking long enough for Evgenia to get up and come to her, hands tentatively reaching out for Alina’s trembling ones. Snatching them away from the others grasp almost immediately. A stilted sigh leaving Evgenia.

 

“Please don’t do this.”

 

“Why couldn’t you have just told me sooner? Instead you let me believe everything was fine. You knew the whole time we were in Japan what you were doing, and you left me in the dark. Why?”

 

“I didn’t want to upset you. You— you were so happy. I was so happy. I just wanted to keep being happy with you.”

 

“Well, so much for that, huh?”

 

It comes out pained and bitter and there are tears pricking at the corners of her eyes that she desperately doesn’t want to shed right now.

 

“It all feels like a lie,” she chokes out. Feeling so ridiculous for feeling so much and being unable to hold it back now.

 

“It wasn’t, I swear to you. I—“

 

“I bet you anything you knew from the moment we stepped off that ice and returned to our hotels that night after the free skate.”

 

That stops Evgenia altogether, a few quick beats of her heart ringing in her ear before she gathers herself. “Alina. I’ve never lied to you, about anything. You’re my friend, and—“

 

“Am I? A friend would confide in a friend about this.”

 

Suddenly, it’s Evgenia who can’t hold back tears. Stepping back and placing her hands over her face, and dragging them down. “I didn’t know how to do it, because I knew you would take it harder than anyone. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you, but I had to make this choice.”

 

Alina’s chin wobbles violently, head bowing, and she doesn’t want to hear anything else. Not right now. She just needs to sit in this and think until she can’t think anymore. Maybe she’ll arrive elsewhere about all this. Someplace far more positive. Right now, she felt entitled to her sadness. She spent an entire season too afraid to be happy for her own success because she was more concerned with hurting and losing her friend. The last time she was here in Korea being the catalyst of it all. And only a few months later, back in the same country, it felt like she was going to lose her anyway. She was allowed to be sad. She was going to allow herself that.

 

She turns away from Evgenia and slowly walks over to the bed, lowering herself onto it and wiping at her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket. There’s a sort of tension she never imagined she would feel with Evgenia in the room with her. Normally it was a space she felt the most at ease, the girl a sense of calm amongst chaos for her. Always, without fail.

 

The bed dips slightly beside her and she feels the other body in the room close enough to lean into. She doesn’t want to, she wants to push her as far away as she can until she’s gone from her life completely. At least she would have control over it if she did. But that doesn’t happen. An arm slowly winds it’s way around her waist and her tired body tips over into Evgenia’s frame. Head laying in the crook where neck meets shoulder and she just cries, until she can’t cry anymore. The other girl holding her through it. And she swears she feels tears that aren’t her own hit her skin. She doesn’t know how long they stay like that, how long Evgenia’s fingers have been combing through her hair and how many whispered words have fallen on her ears. And eventually Alina whispers roughly.

 

“I want to be happy for you.”

 

“You don’t have to be right now,” Evgenia quickly tells her. Lips pressing to her temple lightly. “You can hate me even, if it helps you get through this.”

 

Alina squeezes her eyes shut, shakes her head fervently. “I could never hate you.”

 

There’s a moment or two of silence that passes when it’s broken by words she thinks would bring forth more tears, if she had any left. “I need you to know it isn’t you that I’m leaving. It’s that place, it’s. . . you know.”

 

She knows, of course she knows what she means. She takes those words, lets them wash over her. Lets them settle in her mind and heart. Turning her head to nuzzle against Evgenia’s neck, breathing in her scent and her warmth. The storm raging inside calming until she feels a slight numbing tingling that comes after such an emotional outburst. Now, she just feels more tired than she had before. And Evgenia seems to sense it.

 

“I should let you get some sleep. I’ve made the day far more exhausting for you, anyway.”

 

She starts to extract herself from the spot beside her, but Alina’s spurred into action and a neediness to remain close. One set of brown eyes pleading with another set. “Stay here?”

 

Evgenia seems to think about it for only a second before she’s nodding. “Okay,” she murmurs. Standing only to kick off her shoes as Alina scoots back into the bed and pushes down the covers, peeling the corner to allow her friend to slip in on the other side. She does so slowly, Alina on her side looking at her and she doesn’t want to ask, and thankfully she doesn’t need to when Evgenia mumbles to her.

 

“Come here.”

 

She scoots her way into the other body, allowing herself to be enveloped by arms far stronger than they look. A leg sneaking its way timidly between her own until there isn’t an inch of space between them. A testament perhaps to just how wrong her initial shocked anger had been. Evgenia was holding onto her as tightly as she was holding on. This was just as hard for the other girl as it was for her. Neither of them had ever really openly admitted how much they needed each other, not even when they had held onto each other just as tightly at the Olympics. For all the world to see. Now, it was only them. They were all the other could see.

 

Alina feels lips brush over her forehead, and her own part in a shaky exhale. Words falling from her soon after. An attempt to move forward. “I want you to tell me about what’s going to happen. Not right now, maybe tomorrow. Or a week from now, I don’t know. But I do want to hear about it all. Just not right now.”

 

“Not right now,” Evgenia repeats against her temple. Eyes searching the others.

 

“Get some sleep, Al,” Evgenia breathes out.

 

With sleep hooded eyes, she takes a moment longer to simply look at Evgenia. It would perhaps be dramatic to start trying to remember what she looks like, but, Alina was feeling sentimental.

 

Evgenia is looking at her with the softest eyes she’s ever seen, and despite everything else that’s about to change for them and all the feelings that come with that, and the tension she had been feeling not too long ago, Alina feels safe again, and more at peace in these arms than she’s ever felt.

 

The realization that comes next should have been shocking, but it wasn’t. Deep down she always knew. This, this feeling was beneath the surface all along. It was perhaps why everything hit harder than it might have had they simply been casual friends. But there was no point really, in voicing it. She was just the girl with the stupid crush on the cool girl the entire country and world was in love with. It didn’t matter.

 

And she shouldn’t, when Evgenia whispers sweet goodnight’s to her, but she does move closer. Might as well get as much as you could while you still had it.

 

They stay tangled in each other, eventually exhaustion takes them both to sleep. The next day isn’t quite as hard, or confusing. The remainder of the trip isn’t hard or confusing. Mostly because she was trying really hard to not let it be. Alina smiles more, she has more fun with the group, and on occasion when the situation allows for it, she and Evgenia sit quietly and simply share the same space as the other. Walks to get coffee and food. Sharing smiles across the ice. They do eventually have that talk, about everything that was coming for Evgenia. And it’s all simple again, at least for a little while longer.

 

At least until they get back home. Where it isn’t going to be easy at all. However, neither of them could have predicted just how quickly simple would give way to difficult, and just how easily.

 

.

.

.

 

A week has passed since they arrived back in Moscow. Evgenia returning back to her hiding away except to work on that show she’s been doing. Alina back to practice pretending she doesn’t know a thing. It seems to be working, the plan to stay low until Evgenia was ready to make an announcement. That is until all hell breaks loose when the whisperings online quickly grow louder and gain more traction. The topic of discussion gone on vacation for what was supposed to be a chance to clear her head, and prepare for what she needed to do. That wasn’t to be, and Alina sits staring at the television one night as she listens to the voice of her own coach spew a whole bunch of nonsense she didn’t see coming. She sits there staring at screenshots of messages between student and coach like she’s seeing a bad breakup online and one person was exposing the other for their wrong doings. Except the one being put on the spot like this, wasn’t to blame at all. That person was far away and couldn’t even speak for themselves while someone they trusted and believed in for years slandered their name. And as if what she was seeing couldn’t get worse, she hears her own name. Mentioned in a sentence claiming that Evgenia had asked Eteri to keep Alina down in Juniors another year. Supposedly after the free skate at the Olympics. She didn’t want to believe that, she could not believe that. But if any sort of doubt found its way creeping in, she tried to swallow it down. Immediately turning the tv off and heading for her room, throwing herself into bed and reaching frantically for her phone to turn it off, not wanting to deal with any noise from people curious to know what was going on.

 

She wills herself into a fitful sleep and after avoiding her phone with a lengthy shower the next morning, she finally turns it back on. A few messages from her mother and father, not majorly important. The bulk of her notifications come from Instagram and VK, of course people being nosy. She dismisses all of those and finally sees one name that stands out.

 

**Alina, are you awake?**

**Alina.**

**We need to talk.**

**I’m sorry you had to be dragged into this.**

**Call me, please.**

 

She doesn’t want to deal with any of it right now. She doesn’t want to deal with her right now. Instead she pulls on some leggings, a light jacket and her sneakers and goes for a run. She doesn’t stop until about half way around the pond in the park when her phone rings. Evgenia’s name displayed on the screen. The part of her that missed her had her finger hovering over the accept button, but the part of her that was angry all over again declines the call and sends it to voicemail.

 

A pattern that will repeat itself until the day Evgenia is expected back from her trip, it being announced that she will make her statement about everything upon arrival.

 

She was angry that this whole thing had to play it out the way that it did. She was angry for Evgenia, at Evgenia. Angry at every other party involved. Angry that her name had to be dragged into it in any form. But what could she do about it? This wasn’t her fight, this wasn’t her situation. Even if people wanted to blame her, claiming she had stolen Eteri away from Medvedeva. The “if Evgenia had won gold this never would have happened” rhetoric on repeat in her mind. And to top it all off, she was fully aware of the feelings she felt, and they were absolutely pointless now. For all she knew, she was the ex-training mate that Evgenia liked to casually spend time with, and the convenient friend. All those doubts she felt that night in Korea not too long ago creeping right back in. She hated herself for feeling that weak. Feeling this vulnerable to all of this. Why did any of this have to be this way, why did she have to feel the way that she felt. Why did they have to be who they were to each other.

 

Alina hunches over at the end of the path and gasps for breath as she curses everything and everyone. Clearing her head like she had planned a lost cause. She heads back home and hides out in her room for the remainder of the day, and her grandmother seems to allow it. Only checking in for dinner and to remind her about the Inauguration she’s supposed to attending. The last of the major events she was really thinking about taking place tomorrow.

 

She falls asleep that night after another message.

 

**I need you to know that you aren’t at fault for anything.**

 

And she awakes to another the next morning.

 

**I need to see you today.**

 

Both go unanswered just like the rest of the messages and calls. She tries to push everything from her mind, but she can’t. Not when she’s forced to stand at Eteri’s side and play smiling, supportive citizen to the country. Not when something, in her heart, far more important was going down. She isn’t even sure when the announcement is going to be made, but as the morning winds on and she starts to do the rounds for various interviews, she realizes it’s definitely out when she gets her first question about it. Appearing as cool, calm, collected as she can.

 

The interviewer barely gets the question out before Alina’s voicing what she thinks. “Can you please not ask me about Zhenya. I don’t want to comment, it’s not my situation.”

 

And in typical media fashion, it doesn’t stop there. “Have you reached out at all to her?”

 

She offers a polite shake of her head. “No,” and cuts it off at that. Wanting desperately to get out of here, away from cameras and microphones and people prying into things.

 

She doesn’t exhale until she’s in the car back home, phone buzzing in her hand and text from her grandmother flashing onto the screen.

 

**Evgenia is here.**

 

She’s never wanted to scream ‘fuck’ at the top of her lungs more than she does right now. Yelling it in her head is the next best thing she has at the moment, and when the car pulls up outside of her apartment building she stays seated and stares up at it with trepidation. Inhaling and then exhaling slowly before she climbs out and heads up to the apartment, letting herself in with her set of keys. Stepping into the kitchen she sets her clutch, phone and keys on the counter and lets her eyes fall on her grandmother, and Evgenia, seated at the table in the kitchen.

 

“Hi, sweetheart. How was the Inauguration?”

 

“Political,” she answers shortly. Before elaborating on her answer upon her grandmothers perturbed look. “I learned a lot, I suppose.”

 

Her eyes flicker over to Evgenia who shuffles a cup of tea from one hand to the other, the two of them making eye contact briefly before her grandmother stands and excuses herself. Dropping a kiss to Alina’s cheek. “I’m heading to the store for things to fix for dinner. Call if you would like me to pick anything extra up.”

 

She gives a small nod and a smile, her attention returning to the girl still seated in her kitchen when the front door closes. A few more moments of silence passing until Evgenia clears her throat.

 

“You look beautiful.”

 

Alina looks down at herself and remembers the dress, the hair and the makeup done up for today, and then shrugs. “My feet are killing me.”

 

“You never did enjoy dress up for _long_ periods of time.”

 

It’s a lighthearted moment even though there is nothing lighthearted about what is sure to come up during this visit. Alina slips out of her shoes and makes for the stove to re-heat the water for her own cup of tea when Evgenia speaks again.

 

“You didn’t deserve to be dragged into that mess.”

 

It was stating the obvious to say the least, but it was nice to hear. Even if she wasn’t that willing to let the other girl off the hook so easily. She was going to be tough, she had to be. Just in case she wound up more hurt than before.

 

“Well, you couldn’t have predicted she would go on television like that and try to besmirch your image.”

 

“Still doesn’t mean it was right. I never went behind your back like that. You have to know me better than that.”

 

Alina purses her lips. ‘You lied about sticking with your coach weeks before seeking a new one’ and ‘you kept your leaving a secret from me, while sharing the same space as me, with ease. Who is to say what is fact or fiction at this point?’ Every last word is on the tip of her tongue, but none of them are spoken. She sets the kettle down on the burner and switches the stove on, slowly turning around and leaning against the kitchen counter with her arms crossed.

 

“You could have said it in the heat of the moment. I wouldn’t hold that against you, per say. You were emotional. It happens.”

 

Evgenia’s head tilts, a slight shake accompanying the movement. “I never said that. Don’t listen to anything she says, anything anyone is saying. Listen to me.”

 

“Don’t you fall under anyone?” Alina asks, and the dark haired girl sat opposite her looks taken aback for just a split second.

 

“No. I’m not anyone, I’m Zhenya.”

 

“And who is Zhenya to me? My ex-teammate?”

 

Evgenia shakes her head slowly, getting up from the chair. “No.”

 

“My ex training mate?” Alina fires back, finger tips pressing into her own arms.

 

Another shake of Evgenia’s head, and a few steps closer, eliminating the space between them. “No.”

 

Without her heels on, she’s level height with the girl now standing in front of her. That growth spurt she had quickly evening out their height difference. “Someone I thought I knew better than anyone else?”

 

“Someone who loves you, Alina,” Evgenia says softly. “Someone who kept you out for that very reason, because I was too afraid of letting you be that person who knew me better than anyone else.”

 

Alina’s lips part in stunned silence, staring at Evgenia like she’s just changed the entire playing field, and very likely has. This suddenly wasn’t about her leaving, about what happened in the uproar of it, but about them.

 

“I came here because I needed to see you. Because I needed you after all of this. Not simply to apologize and right wrongs, but because I can’t do this without you and I don’t want to start the biggest challenge of my life not having you being part of my life.”

 

So much for being strong. So much for not wanting to cry. She feels like she’s just been wiped right off her feet and she’s spiraling, unable to find the ground again.

 

“Zhen. . .”

 

Hands extend through the space separating them and come to cup both of her cheeks, keeping their eyes connected. “Tell me I’m not too late.”

 

She was breathing shallowly, grasping for any words that might center her again, voice coming out tiny and afraid, of what she has no idea.

 

“For what?”

 

“Tell me I haven’t lost you.”

 

It takes her a few repeats of those words in her head before she can comprehend it. She’s never had to deal with this sort of thing before, and she didn’t know if this was about Evgenia and Alina the friends, or Evgenia and Alina the unexplainable.

 

Alina’s caught trapped in intense brown eyes as she searches her own mind. Her own soul, her own heart for the answer. The one there all along, quieter than the chaos surrounding them of late. But never gone. Closing her eyes, she gives way to the tension holding her own body back as she leans forward and rests her forehead to Evgenia’s.

 

“You haven’t lost me.”

 

She feels her friend physically exhale as those words leave her lips, the tension in Evgenia’s own body evaporating. Arms winding themselves around Alina’s waist as she dips her head and buries her face in a faded perfumed neck. Alina’s eyes fluttering closed as she lets herself be hugged, and eventually hugs back. One hand splayed over Evgenia’s back as the other holds the back of her head.

 

“I love you, too, you know.” She eventually whispers to the brunette. Feels a smile form against her neck.

 

“I know,” is mumbled into her skin. Followed by the lightest, barely noticeable kiss to the same spot. Bringing a smile of her own to Alina’s face.

 

“Can you stay for dinner?” She asks as they stay locked in their embrace, gently swaying from side to side.

 

“Can I stay the night?” Evgenia asks back. A light laugh fluttering from Alina’s chest in response.

 

“I think we can do that.”

 

Evgenia slowly lifts her head and leans back enough to look at the younger girl, everything about her softer and more at ease than she had appeared when Alina had first stepped into the apartment. Caught in a moment and look where she isn’t sure if she’s about to say something else, or kiss her. She doesn’t find out though, keys rattling in the lock and the front door opening. Both girls backing away from each other, Alina busying herself with the screeching kettle of tea water as Evgenia stands by the table, attempting to be casual. Which of course amuses Alina immensely. When her grandmother enters the room and sets the bags of groceries down, Alina is quick to tell her the perspective plan.

 

“Evgenia is going to stay for dinner, and then stay the night. I hope that’s okay with you?”

 

She didn’t think it would be a problem, her grandmothers easy smile appearing on her face. “Oh, dear, of course. I’ll make plenty of food. You two should have time to catch up after all. Alina, go take Evgenia’s suitcase to your room and give me the kitchen so I can get started.”

 

Her hip is bumped slightly in further hustle to get her out of the room, Alina snorting slightly as she backs out of the room and knows without looking that Evgenia is following after her. Locating her suitcase in the living room she grabs it and throws a smile over her shoulder.

 

“So, were you inviting yourself over all along?”

 

There’s a snort of amused laughter that leaves Evgenia this time. “No. I went from the airport straight to take care of paperwork and such, and then here. I haven’t even been home yet.”

 

“And your mom is okay with this?” Alina asks curiously.

 

“She encouraged me. I think she was finally annoyed with my game of should I or shouldn’t I.”

 

“Good woman,” Alina teases gently. She pushes the door to her room open and wheels the suitcase over to the closet, then deposits herself on the end of her bed. The first time she’s sat since she left the car. Evgenia slowly approaching the bed and eventually sitting down next to her.

 

“I told you how beautiful you look, right? Because you do. You really do.”

 

She blushes lightly looking down and away from those eyes and that smile.

 

“Flatterer.”

 

“Truth teller.”

 

“You’re lame,” she responds with a laugh. Fingers pinching the skin of her friends wrist. “I need to shower and change.”

 

“You’re just going to leave me here by myself? That’s not very good host behavior.”

 

“You could always go help my grandmother in the kitchen. She’s cooking for your self imposing butt after all.”

 

“Ha, ha.”

 

They both look at each other with challenging brows raised, before divulging into laugher. Evgenia sitting up straighter at the edge of the bed as Alina slowly stands. Her hand being grabbed before she can get too far.

 

“There’s more I want to talk to you about,” she says softly. Alina had been anticipating that, she imagined they wouldn’t be out of things to talk about for quite some time. She nods gently, squeezing the fingers of the hand holding onto her own.

 

“We have plenty of time tonight. I promise to listen to every word.”

 

And she meant that. Her initial fears and sadness had prevented her from seeing the other side of all this. It had disappeared that night in Korea, in her hotel room. It crept back in returning home, with the madness unravelling since then. But Alina was nothing if not devoted to being the bigger person, the person someone else could rely on, despite her own feelings. She did it better than ever when it came to this particular person.

 

Evgenia leans forward and kisses her hand, kisses each knuckle and looks back up at her. “Thank you.”

 

The younger girl simply nods, leans over herself and kisses the top of Evgenia’s head. Both of them heading down the hall moments later, Alina for the bathroom and Evgenia to offer her assistance in the kitchen.

 

She doesn’t really think about everything when she’s allotted the time to herself, forces herself not to. Focuses on remaining in the moment and letting it be everything for the time being. She stays out of her own head the whole way through dinner, which is a much needed lighthearted affair. The events of today and the past few weeks only coming up briefly. Of course her grandmother knew, but she didn’t exactly pry into Evgenia’s business. She didn’t really seem to mind answering what she did, though. They talk mostly about Alina’s soon to arrive puppy, the vacation the family plans on taking once Alina’s on break, and potential birthday ideas. Her grandmother retiring to bed after dessert and some television in the living room. A kiss goodnight to both their heads, and then they’re both left alone. Alina extending her leg and shoving her foot into Evgenia’s thigh.

 

“You think you can handle sleeping on the couch tonight? It isn’t horribly uncomfortable,” she says, teasing her.

 

Her friend turns from the tv and looks at her somewhat skeptically, before she murmurs very certain of herself. “I’m bunking with you, and that’s final.”

 

Well. It was hard to argue with that. Stealing a few more bites of the dessert her grandmother made, both girls eventually find their ways down the hall, taking turns in the bathroom to brush their teeth and Evgenia to change into some leggings and an old t-shirt to sleep in. Alina’s already in bed, sat up against the pillows with a small smile on her face. Hand patting the spot next to her. Evgenia closes the door softly behind her and climbs into bed, pulling the covers up over both their legs and leaning back, shoulder to shoulder with Alina.

 

“I can’t believe you sleep with socks on,” the younger girl comments with disgust.

 

“My feet get cold. You should be grateful, you won’t feel it.”

 

“Mm, no. You’re a monster.”

 

Both laugh lightly, silence blanketing them both for a moment or two before Alina reaches over and pats Evgenia’s hand with her own. “You wanted to talk.”

 

“Yeah,” she starts softly. Hand coming up and combing through messy brown locks, eyes looking ahead for a moment in thought. Exhaling a breath. “I’m terrified and equally excited for what’s to come next.”

 

Alina watches her in silence, thinking over those words. “You’re going to be fine. You’re the strongest person I know. You’ve already overcome the worst thing you’ve experienced. You’re going to tackle this with the same strength and grace you exhibited everyday.”

 

Evgenia turns to meet her gaze as she takes those words in. Looking at her with a slight sense of wonderment. “You’re not supposed to have this much wisdom yet.”

 

“I learned from the best,” Alina says quickly. Sincerely. Both knowing exactly to whom she’s referring.

 

“You’re going to be okay, too. The way you handled this season, so much put on you. I. . . I’m incredibly proud of you. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you that. But watching you work every single day was a huge part of my wanting to stick this out. You deserve everything you accomplished.”

 

It might be the first time outside of her family she’s heard that, and knew the source meant it wholeheartedly. It was everything she ever could have hoped to hear. It was everything, because of the source.

 

Alina scoots closer and lays her head on Evgenia’s shoulder. The other in turn resting her head against Alina’s. “I’m going to be rooting for you all the time.”

 

“You could always come visit me, if you ever get the chance.”

 

She doesn’t respond to that right away. She can’t imagine when or how she would even be able to accomplish that, but the idea is nice nonetheless.

 

“Until then, we have until the end of June. We should make use of that time,” Evgenia adds before she can answer to the previous words. A sigh leaving her.

 

“Between my upcoming exams, break and vacation, it doesn’t leave us all of that time.”

 

“We’ll make all the time we can.”

 

She sounds so serious, so certain about seeing this to fruition. And it compels Alina into bringing up the subject she’s been avoiding the most. At least for the most part, this unspoken thing she knows she feels but could never read the other girl. Saying it without saying it.

 

“Where do we go from here? You and me, Evgenia and Alina the people, not Evgenia and Alina the skaters.”

 

She isn’t sure that made sense, and she’s glad she can’t see the Evgenia’s face right now because she can practically hear her thinking that over. The longest few seconds of her life ticking by before an answer comes.

 

“If you had waited a little longer, I was gearing up to suggesting that some of that time we spend together, is spent on dates.”

 

She lifts her head promptly from her friends shoulder and stares at her slightly wide eyed. Dates? _Dating?_ She’s not once thought about that, always shied away from it or got annoyed with the questions about potential relationships or liking people. Boys, really. The poor girl completely unaware that all along she had been crushing on one particular person. Unaware, sure, but wound up unsurprised when she had realized it. Funny how that works.

 

“You aren’t very good at telling me things promptly, you know.”

 

“That. . . isn’t an answer,” Evgenia says timidly. Alina can sense a glimmer of uncertainty radiating from the body next to her. Can see it in brown eyes.

 

She says the only next thing she can think of.

 

“Be honest with me, what would come of that? We could go out on those dates, we could have a really good time. But when the end of June rolls around, you’re still leaving. What would come of us? I’m not really interested in a, uh, what do people call it?” A pause, then she snaps her fingers. “A summer fling, or romance.”

 

Again, it looks like she’s shocked the other girl momentarily with the things she’s said. Truth be told, she was running on knowledge she only witnessed in movies, with absolutely none for herself.

 

“I don’t want a summer fling or romance,” Evgenia murmurs.

 

“I don’t see any other option coming out of it.”

 

“You don’t see any, or you don’t _want_ to see anything else?”

 

Alina’s brows furrow slightly as she thinks about that for a second. She had no idea what she was doing, she thinks Evgenia has had to have had more experience with this than she. Normally she would ask her for advice, but she couldn’t very well ask the person she has feelings for about what she should do with those feelings. Or maybe she could, maybe that was the only way to get anywhere. Looking at the other girl with slightly pinched features, mostly in nerves she lets the question on the tip of her tongue escape into the space between them.

 

“Do you have feelings for me?”

 

A blink and a pause from Evgenia before she answers. “I wouldn’t be asking you out if I didn’t.”

 

“So, you like me?” She quickly follows up.

 

Again, Evgenia looks confused. “Was I not clear about that?”

 

Suddenly, Alina feels red hot embarrassment creeping over her skin. Cheeks flushing slightly as she sinks down into the mattress. “Oh, god.”

 

Evgenia shifts slightly next to her, trying to meet her eye, thinking she’s done something wrong. “Are you okay? If I— if I said the wrong thing, or misinterpreted this whole thing, I’m sorry. I get it if you don’t feel the same way and—“

 

“Of course I feel the same way, you idiot!” She blurts out under her breath so not to actually raise her voice. “I just don’t know what to do! I’ve never— I’ve never had to deal with this before.”

 

The body next to hers relaxes slightly, and Alina feels gentle hands reaching for her and a voice trying to get her attention. Eventually there are fingers tucked under her chin and Evgenia eases her head up to meet her eyes.

 

“I’m just asking for a date, Alina. This isn’t a marriage proposal, or any other life altering thing.”

 

She looks up into those eyes, swallows roughly and tries to push down her own embarrassment and fears about all of this. “But what about what comes after that?”

 

Soft, caring eyes have a sudden glint about them. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. I can’t know exactly what’s going to happen, but I do know I’d be willing to cross that bridge with you. For you. If having you means we have to do it long distance for a while, I. . . I think you’re worth it.”

 

Yes, neither one of them could be certain about the future. Neither of them could even be as certain as those words spoken to her. But in the blink of an eye, all she wanted was to be that certain. She felt like she was all over the place, but perhaps that was part of being young and navigating these sorts of things. And even being so young, she had a chance to have everything she never knew she wanted until it was staring her in the face. Something that was all she wanted now. They’ve faced worse circumstances, haven’t they? They’ve both come out the other side stronger than ever. And they were always better together than apart. And she thinks Evgenia just might be worth it, too.

 

Reaching up and placing her hand against Evgenia’s cheek, she utters three simple words. “Ask me again.”

 

She thankfully doesn’t have to elaborate on that, the smile that appears on those lips radiating so much she feels like her entire body was warmed by it. “Alina, will you go out with me?”

 

Her hand moves from a cheek down to nape of the other girls neck with her other arm soon joining as her arms wrap loosely around neck and shoulders. This time she doesn’t hesitate, this time she doesn’t hide behind everything else she had been hiding behind.

 

“Yes. Yes, I’ll go out with you.”

 

In a playful gesture, Evgenia exhales in an exaggerated breath. “I was so close to grabbing my things and going into exile to hide from the shame of you not saying yes.”

 

That earns her a smack to the shoulder, but both of them tumble into quiet laughter as Alina pulls Evgenia closer to her.

 

Yes, there would have to be more they would need to discuss. There would be more on their plates that they had to confront and they would. Together. It wasn't quite as daunting that way. For the meantime, both are content in the positives they had to look forward to. The future is a scary thing, but they lay there tangled up and holding onto the very thing they wanted to build futures around.

 

Each other. Always each other.

 

~

 _**Yeah, now I'm feeling you breathing slow, oh** _  
_**'Cause, baby, we're just reckless kids** _  
_**Trying to find an island in the flood** _  
_**Oh, turn the lights, turn the lights down low, oh** _  
  
_**And I will give you everything baby** _  
_**But can you feel this energy? Take it** _  
_**You can have the best of me baby** _  
_**And I will give you anything** _

**Author's Note:**

> the song that played on repeat that kept me company and kept me inspired writing this is lights down low - MAX.


End file.
